June is Pride month, of course, so look for content about LGBTQ+ representation in media throughout the month.
On this day in 1944, the Allies invaded Normandy in a battle officially codenamed Operation Overlord but better known as D-Day. Among those who landed at Normandy were the men of Easy Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne Division. Band of Brothers, the spectacular HBO miniseries based on Stephen E. Ambrose’s book of the same name, tells the story of Easy Company, from their basic training at Camp Toccoa to the capture of the Eagle’s Nest. Band of Brothers was, at the time, the most expensive mini-series ever produced with a budget of $125 million. The series was a critical success; it currently stands at #3 on IMDb’s Top Rated TV Shows list and has a 99% score on Rotten Tomatoes. It won the Emmy and the Golden Globe for best mini-series, as well as the Peabody Award. It is one of the most universally-beloved properties in media. Band of Brothers is my husband’s very favorite; he’s probably watched it more times than he’s seen any movie. One of the interesting things about watching the series now is playing “who’s THAT movie star?” with the supporting cast – among the sprawling cast are future capital-A actors such as Michael Fassbender, Simon Pegg, Tom Hardy and James McAvoy.
On this day in 2002, The Bourne Identity premiered in Los Angeles. You might not realize it, given its cultural impact, but The Bourne Identity was not a surefire hit. Yes, Matt Damon had won a screenwriting Oscar for Good Will Hunting, but he’d spent spent much of the next few years starring in ensemble pieces like Saving Private Ryan, Dogma and Ocean’s Eleven. The movies in which he had the lead, like All the Pretty Horses and The Legend of Bagger Vance, were box office failures. He was not considered a bankable movie star. It didn’t help the film’s case that the director, Doug Liman, specialized in offbeat indie flicks like Swingers and Go. The point is, this was not a guaranteed hit. But thanks to a crackling script by Tony Gilroy and W. Blake Herron, thrilling music by John Powell, breathtaking action sequences and an incredibly talented cast (including Franka Potente, Clive Owen, Chris Cooper, Brian Cox and Julia Stiles), the film was a ton of fun, and moviegoers flocked to it. Matt Damon: Movie Star (and a franchise) was born.
And finally, happy birthday to Robert Englund, a man who clearly embraces his most famous role!
One of the many things I love about How I Met Your Mother is its original songs – from the delightful theme song to “Let’s Go to the Mall”, “Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit” to “P.S. I Love You”, “Marshall vs. The Machines” to “Murder Train” (a personal favorite of mine), the show’s creators use this music to give us glimpses into the characters, and – since this is a comedy, after all – for laughs.
We’ll probably dig more into HIMYM‘s original music another time; today, the topic is existing music. There are few things in media I love more than a well-placed pop song, and few have done it better than Craig Thomas and Carter Bays, the creators of How I Met Your Mother. It isn’t just the songs they select – although those selections are often extraordinary – but HOW they incorporate the songs into the story. In some cases, the music is used to comment on the action; in others, it’s used as a foreshadowing device. More often than not, the songs are chosen simply because they’re amazing songs. Here are my top 20 favorite uses of pop music in How I Met Your Mother.
During the first part of season 2, in the period when Lily and Marshall are apart, Lily moves in with Barney for an episode. Initially, Barney assumes Lily will cramp his bachelor style, but when a hippie chick spends the night and doesn’t want to leave the next morning, Barney realizes Lily’s potential – making the women he has sex with think he’s married (yes, Barney is disgusting, but we don’t have room in this post to get into that). Barney’s one rule is that Lily not change anything, but Lily has a better idea – redecorate his apartment to make it look like a woman actually lives there. In grand HIMYM tradition, the redecorating takes place as a wordless montage, set to Islands’ “Don’t Call Me Whitney, Bobby”. Islands, borne from the remains of the Unicorns, a band very important to the story of Ted and future baby mama Tracy, are a little twee for my taste, but there’s no denying this catchy little ditty works perfectly here. Each time I watch the episode, the lyrics “Bones, bones, brittle little bones” are stuck in my head for a week.
19. “The Underdog” – Spoon | Episode: “Spoiler Alert”
Ted’s new girlfriend Cathy (the lovely Lindsay Price) talks – A LOT – but Ted has new relationship blinders on and doesn’t see it (hear it?). The revelation leads to the gang discovering previously unnoticed flaws in each other (Ted corrects your grammar, Robin misuses the word literally, Marshall sings annoying songs about everything he does and Lily chews loudly). In the end, everyone sets aside their annoyances to help Marshall celebrate passing the bar, set to “The Underdog” by Austin indie band Spoon.
18. “Beach Comber” – Real Estate | Episode: “Unfinished”
Barney has been “putting the moves” on Ted to get Ted to agree to being the architect of the new Goliath National Bank headquarters (Ted’s design for the building was previously scrapped). Ted insists he is over being an architect and wants to focus on teaching (“finished with that”). But by the end of the episode, Ted realizes his architecture career is unfinished, and goes to meet Barney to tell him the news; in the background, we hear Real Estate’s gorgeous “Beach Comber”.
17. “Let Your Heart Hold Fast” – Fort Atlantic | Episode: “The Final Page – Part Two”
Barney is running the final play out of The Playbook – “The Robin” – a long con to win Robin back for good. The play ends with Robin on the roof of the World Wide News building, and Barney proposing. The episode then gives us a lovely montage of Lily and Marshall with baby Marvin, and Robin and Barney, and Ted – alone at the GNB opening, hoping his true love is still out there somewhere. And it’s all set to Fort Atlantic’s achingly beautiful “Let Your Heart Hold Fast”.
16. “This Modern Love” – Bloc Party | Episode: “Come On”
Ted has finally gotten together with Robin, and happily takes a cab ride back home the following morning – only to find Marshall on the stoop, sitting in the rain and holding Lily’s engagement ring. Ted’s joy is tempered by the knowledge that his two best friends have broken up, ending the episode (and the season) on a melancholic note, a note that is heightened by the lyrics of “This Modern Love”, which bely its upbeat melody and seem to suggest that none of this is permanent.
The season five premiere finds Ted worried about his first day as an architecture professor. He should be worried; he’s going to fuck it up royally by going to the wrong classroom and spending several oblivious minutes teaching architecture to a bunch of Econ 305 students (including, he would learn later, the mother of his children). It’s excruciating for Ted – and hilarious for us. Vampire Weekend’s catchy-as-hell anthem to not giving a fuck, “Oxford Comma”, is the perfect soundtrack to the proceedings.
14. “Glad Girls” – Guided By Voices | Episode: “Right Place, Right Time”
Ted is telling his kids the story of how he ended up at the right crosswalk at the right moment (he went to his second favorite bagel shop because his first favorite had given Robin food poisoning, he stopped by a newsstand for a magazine, he had to give a homeless guy a dollar). Also at the crosswalk? His ex Stella. The meeting would lead to Ted’s teaching job, which would eventually result in him meeting the mother. As Ted explains that if he could, he’d go back and thank every person who helped him get to that place and time, we hear Guided By Voices’ stomping, infectious “Glad Girls”.
13. “Black Tears” – Miss Derringer | Episode: “The Platinum Rule”
Ted is going on a date with Stella, the dermatologist removing his butterfly tramp stamp. The gang is attempting to convince him not to go, with Barney imploring Ted not to break “The Platinum Rule”, the antithesis to the Golden Rule – never LOVE thy neighbor. Three nested flashbacks tell the stories of Barney, Robin and Marshall & Lily breaking that rule – and the consequences they suffered for doing so. When Barney reaches the “submission” stage of the rule, we see the gang giving in to their desires, set to Miss Derringer’s retro-girl-groupish “Black Tears”.
12. “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” – The Proclaimers | Episode: “Arrivederci, Fiero”
Marshall has to say goodbye to his beloved Fiero (and it had just hit 200,000 miles, too!), and through flashbacks, we see all of the adventures the Fiero has taken them on – Ted and Marshall bonding over road trips home, Lily and Robin bonding over spilled Chinese food and cigars, Barney finally attempting to learn how to drive. How does the guilty pleasure Proclaimers hit factor in? Marshall bought the cassingle back when he first started driving the Fiero, and it’s been stuck in the cassette player ever since. But if you’re sick of hearing the song, don’t worry – it’ll come around again.
It’s 2 am. Robin has had a long, hard day. We rewind to the beginning of the day, and a montage – set to Supergrass’s delightful ode to youth, “Alright” – shows us that Robin’s day actually started out well. As the day progresses, though, life comes at Robin pretty fast, and at the end of it, all she wants to do is see Ted. The storyline actually concludes in the following episode, “Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.”, and we know things will end badly because, well, it’s right there in the title. But for a brief, shining moment, everything seems “Alright”.
10. “Rewind” – Goldspot | Episode: “Double Date”
Ted meets Jen for a blind date, and partway through the evening, they realize they’d been on a blind date before – seven years earlier. It turns out the date hadn’t gone that well (Jen didn’t reach for the check, Ted didn’t offer her his coat, Jen has too many cats, Ted points out menu typos and tells cheesy dad jokes), and Ted never called Jen for a second date. They attempt to recreate the first date in the hopes of discovering why they’re scaring off potential mates. At the end of the evening, they imagine how things might have ended up if just a couple things had gone differently that first night. The perfect accompaniment? Goldspot’s “Rewind” (“You see, you’re the only star/In the film I never made”). In the end, Ted and Jen realize they want to be loved by someone FOR their quirks, not in spite of them, and amicably go their separate ways.
9. “Young Folks” – Peter Bjorn and John | Episode: “Monday Night Football”
The gang has to miss the Superbowl to attend the funeral of a MacLaren’s bartender none of them can remember, so they DVR it to watch on Monday. They all spend the day attempting to avoid news of the game (it’s especially tricky for Robin because she is literally a news anchor). Ted spends the day working from home and only has to leave the apartment to go get chicken wings from a sports bar. To avoid spoilers, he creates the Sensory Deprivator 5000, a device that ensures he sees and hears nothing. The soundtrack for his perilous, hilarious journey? The whistling portion of the delightful “Young Folks”.
8. “Mother of Pearl” – Roxy Music | Episode: “Milk”
In the penultimate episode of season one, a dating service has matched Ted with his perfect woman – plays bass, wants two kids, reads “Love in the Time of Cholera”, etc. Ted imagines his wedding to the perfect woman, with Robin in attendance, and the scene is set to Roxy Music’s glorious “Mother of Pearl”. Ted realizes that no matter how perfect this woman is, she isn’t Robin, and decides not to go on the date. By the end of the next episode, “Come On” (see #16), Ted would finally win Robin over.
7. “The Funeral” – Band of Horses | Episode: “Farhampton”
The most haunting and beautiful foreshadowing of the titular mother’s death. In a flashback, Ted has returned to the Farhampton train station, where he will meet the mother the following year, to ask Klaus (the always superb Thomas Lennon) why he doesn’t want to be with Victoria. As Klaus explains how, when you meet the right person, you just know, Band of Horses’ heartbreaking “The Funeral” plays in the background. At the end of the sequence, a taxi arrives at the train station a little ways down the road, an unseen woman grabs her guitar case out of the trunk of the cab and walks up to the platform, and the meeting of Ted and the mother has almost arrived. It is one of the most gorgeous sequences in the series, and I weep every time I watch it.
6. “Victoria” – The Kinks | Episode: “The Naked Truth”
One of the most amazing uses of music as a foreshadowing device EVER. Throughout the episode, we’re treated to bite-size nuggets of the melody, but the lyrics are saved for the end, when we get the big reveal: Ted’s ex Victoria, who is in charge of the cupcakes for the Architect’s Ball that Ted is attending. If you aren’t familiar with the song, or aren’t paying that much attention, you’ll probably miss it (I did, the first time through the episode), which is what makes it so brilliant.
5. “Prophets” – A.C. Newman | Episode: “The Leap”
“The Leap”, HIMYM’s season four finale, hits all the right notes: there’s no cliff-hanger per se, but it sets up the season five storylines – Ted’s teaching job, Robin and Barney’s relationship – perfectly. The literal leap the gang takes to the adjacent rooftop represents the metaphorical leap they’re taking in their lives (okay, for Marshall, it’s just about the literal leap), and the musical choice – A.C. Newman’s soaring anthem to breaking free, “Prophets” – is the perfect soundtrack for ushering them over.
4. “Simple Song” – The Shins | Episode: “Something New”
HIMYM tends to nail the music for the season finale episodes (see #s 5, 11 and 16) , and “Something New”, the season eight ender, is no exception to that rule. The gang – Barney and Robin, Ted and Lily, and Marshall – are headed separately to Robin and Barney’s wedding out on the fictional Long Island town of Farhampton, after which they’ll go their separate ways: Ted’s headed to Chicago for a Robin-less fresh start, and Marshall and Lily are headed to Italy for the year, where Lily will be working in her capacity as The Captain’s art consultant (or will they stay in New York, where Marshall has been offered a judgeship?). Best of all, we get our first honest-to-goodness look at The Mother, the divine Cristin Milioti, buying her ticket to Farhampton, where she’ll play her bass in the band Robin and Barney have hired for their wedding reception. And it’s all set to one of the loveliest love songs I’ve ever heard, The Shins’ “Simple Song”. By the end of the segment, you’re feeling all the feels.
3. “Two Weeks” – Grizzly Bear | Episode: “The Window”
Maggie (the lovely Joanna Garcia) went to Wesleyan with Ted, Marshall and Lily, and she was the ultimate girl-next-door. The problem was, Maggie was never single for very long at a time, and each time one of her relationships ended, the window where she was single got smaller and smaller. Now, Maggie’s window is open again, and Ted tries to take advantage of it. Of course, this being a sitcom, Ted forgets that he has a class to teach, and leaves his friends to babysit Maggie until he can get back to the bar. By the end of the evening, Maggie’s window would close one last time, as Maggie tells Ted “the second greatest love story I’ve ever heard”, set to Grizzly Bear’s gorgeous “Two Weeks”.
2. “Thirteen” – Big Star | Episode: “Ten Sessions”
I’ve already professed my love for Big Star in this blog – and will probably do so again – but seriously, “Thirteen” is perhaps the greatest paean to adolescence ever put to vinyl, and it is the perfect soundtrack to Ted and Stella’s “Two Minute Date”. Stella, played by the lovely Sarah Chalke, tells Ted she only has two minutes for lunch and no time to date, so Ted “Teds out” and ambushes Stella for a two minute date. Ted and Stella’s love story ends badly (see #20 on this list), but it certainly started with a bang; whether you find Ted’s over-the-top romantic gesture sweet or kind of creepy, you could not find a better song to set it to.
“The Ballad of Sir Frankie Crisp (Let It Roll)” – George Harrison | Episode: “Big Days”
There could be no other choice for me for the #1 spot. My favorite song from my favorite Beatle from his sublime album, All Things Must Pass, “Let It Roll” is actually used in multiple episodes, starting with the season six opener, “Big Days”. The episode begins “A little ways down the road…” and we are at a wedding. We’re probably forgiven for thinking, with the little information we have at this point, that Ted is the groom (spoiler alert: he’s not). Over the course of several more episodes, we will return to this wedding day, each time getting snippets of Harrison’s gorgeous ode to Friar Park, the Victorian mansion built in 1889 by Sir Frank Crisp and purchased by Harrison in 1970. As is the way of HIMYM, giving us tiny parcels of information episodes, or even seasons, before giving us the big reveal, we won’t know who the groom is until the end of season six (“Challenge Accepted”) and who the bride is until the end of season seven (“The Magician’s Code”).
Honorable mentions:
“Monkey Man” – The Rolling Stones | Episode: “Zoo or False”
“Lifesize” – A Fine Frenzy | Episode: “Doppelgangers”
“Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect” – The Decemberists | Episode: “Ted Mosby, Architect”
“Gorgeous Behavior” – Marching Band | Episode: “The Naked Man”
“Parallel or Together” – Ted Leo and the Pharmacists | Episode: “Matchmaker”
“The Man in Me” – Bob Dylan | Episode: “The Front Porch”
“Monday” – Mikey & The Gypsys | Episode: “Shelter Island”
This list represents just a fraction of the songs featured on the series over the years. There are a bunch of songs I love – by artists I love – that didn’t make it the cut; artists like Fountains of Wayne, Pixies, Radiohead and Regina Spektor are among some of my very favorites, but I wanted to focus on the way the songs were used within the context of the specific episodes. I made a playlist of about sixty of my favorite songs from the show, which includes the songs from this list and many more cool tracks.
It’s my birthday! Some other folks with May 22 birthdays: Arthur Conan Doyle, Laurence Olivier, Bernie Taupin, Morrissey, Brooke Smith, Naomi Campbell and Ginnifer Goodwin.
Actor, author, talk show host and professional curmudgeon Charles Grodin passed away this week at the age of 86. Grodin got his start in television series like The Virginian. His big movie break came in 1972 with The Heartbreak Kid. His films include Heaven Can Wait, Seems Like Old Times, The Great Muppet Caper,Midnight Run and Beethoven. In 1993, he co-starred in two of my favorites, Dave and Heart and Souls. In the mid-90s, he took a hiatus from Hollywood to raise his kids, but returned to acting in 2006 with The Ex.
The Heartbreak Kid
Beethoven
Midnight Run
Heart and Souls
On this day in 1985, A View to a Kill, the 14th James Bond film and the last to star Roger Moore, premiered in San Francisco. Featuring the glorious Christopher Walken and Grace Jones, an iconic Eiffel Tower set piece and a kick-ass theme song by my beloved Duran Duran, A View to a Kill was a delightfully cheesy way for Moore to exit the series.
On this day in 1992, Johnny Carson made his final appearance as the host of The Tonight Show. His guests were Robin Williams and Bette Midler. When Midler sang “One for my Baby (and One More for the Road)”, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
On this day in 2017, a suicide bomber killed twenty-two people and injured some 800 more after an Ariana Grande concert at Manchester Arena. On June 4, Grande hosted a benefit concert, “One Love Manchester”, that aired live on broadcast television, radio and social media.
On May 27, HBO Max will air the long-awaited Friends reunion. The trailer dropped earlier this week.
On this day in 1928, a test audience was treated to the first depiction of Mickey Mouse, in a silent short called Plane Crazy. By the end of the year, Disney would release its first sound cartoon, Steamboat Willie.
On this day in 1958, Gigi premiered in New York. Starring Leslie Caron, Maurice Chevalier and Louis Jourdan, Gigi tells the story of a courtesan-in-training who falls in love with a wealthy Parisian playboy. Directed by Vincente Minnelli, with music by Lerner and Loewe, Gigi was nominated for nine Oscars, and it won in every category, including Best Picture and Best Director.
On this day in 2002, Bowling for Columbine made its premiere at the Cannes film festival. Directed by Michael Moore, the film explored the causes of increased gun violence in the United States. A critical and commercial success, Bowling for Columbine won a special prize at Cannes, as well as the Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature.
James Mason was born on this day in 1909. The devastatingly handsome Brit made one top-notch film after another, including A Star Is Born, Lolita, North by Northwest (a personal favorite), The Boys from Brazil and The Verdict. Fun fact: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee Belinda Carlisle (The Go-Go’s) is married to Mason’s son Morgan, and their son is also names James.
With Martin Landau in North by Northwest
from left – James Duke Mason, Belinda Carlisle, Morgan Mason
On this day in 1967, Paul McCartney met future wife Linda Eastman.
The 2021 inductees to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame have been announced: Tina Turner, Carole King, The Go-Go’s, JAY-Z, Foo Fighters and Todd Rundgren. Tina Turner is now the second woman, after Stevie Nicks, to be inducted twice (she was inducted with ex-husband Ike in 1991). The Go-Go’s, after fifteen years of eligibility, were finally nominated for the first time this year, and I’m elated they were inducted on their first try. I refuse to believe it’s been twenty-five years since the first Foo Fighters album, because that would make me old.
According to Deadline, Tom Cruise has delivered his three Golden Globe awards (Best Actor in a Drama for Born on the Fourth of July and Jerry Maguire, and Best Supporting Actor for Magnolia) to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association amidst an ongoing conflict surrounding the HFPA’s lack of diversity. I have a hard time taking Cruise seriously anyway due to his slavish devotion to the cult of Scientology, but this sort of performative nonsense will do nothing to affect change.
Are You Experienced by The Jimi Hendrix Experience was released on this day in 1967. One of the best and most influential debut albums of all time, Are You Experienced is stacked with one banger after another, including “Purple Haze”, “Fire”, “Hey Joe”, “Manic Depression” and “May This Be Love”, a personal favorite of mine.
On this day in 1994, Pulp Fiction premiered at the Cannes Film Festival, and cinema would never be the same.
On this date in 1988, a musical production of Carrie opened at the Virginia Theatre in New York City. Yes, you read that right – Carrie, the musical. Considered one of the biggest flops in Broadway history, Carrie had some top notch talent, including songs by Dean Pitchford and Michael Gore, the Oscar-winning songwriting duo from Fame. Betty Buckley, one of the greatest musical theater performers ever and cast member of the 1976 film (she played the gym teacher, Miss Collins), starred as Margaret White. A 2012 off-Broadway revival yielded a cast recording, and you can listen to it here.
Entertainment Weekly has kicked off a summer-long series called “I Want My Teen TV” with a list of the fifty best teen shows of all time. I’m happy to see a few of my personal favorites, including Square Pegs, Party of Five and Felicity, on the list, but I take issue with them placing the sublime Freaks and Geeks at #5 – BEHIND Beverly Hills, 90210.
On this day in 1958, Hammer Horror films released Dracula (titled Horror of Dracula in the US to avoid confusion with the 1931 Bela Legosi film). Christopher Lee’s Dracula was brooding and sensual, and was the first to incorporate many of the characteristics of the character as we know him today, including fangs and red contact lenses. Hammer would produce eight sequels to the film, six of which featured Lee in the titular role.
The folks at Stranger Things released a season 4 teaser this week. I’ve already watched it half a dozen times, poring over every detail in hopes of finding clues. There is no indication of a release date, unfortunately, so I guess we’ll have to wait a little longer for that information.
David Keith and Stephen Furst were both born on this day in 1954. Best known as Kent “Flounder” Dorfman in National Lampoon’s Animal House, Furst also appeared on St. Elsewhere and Babylon 5, and did a lot of voice work for animation as well. Furst died in 2017 of diabetes-related complications. Keith is perhaps best known for playing Sid Worley in An Officer and a Gentleman; he was nominated for a Golden Globe for his heartbreaking performance, but lost to co-star Louis Gossett Jr. (who would go on to win the Oscar as well). My favorite Keith performance is Andrew McGee, the father of pyrokinetic Charlie McGee (Drew Barrymore), in 1984’s Firestarter. The father-daughter relationship is authentic and poignant, and provides a lovely contrast to the horror elements of the film.
Twitter helpfully reminded me this week of the existence of Tom Holland’s Lip Sync Battle performance of “Singin’ in the Rain/Umbrella”. I’ve watched this video approximately one gazillion times, and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.
On this day in 1970, The Beatles released their twelfth and final studio album, Let It Be (along with the film of the same name). The sessions were fraught with tension, and the album was reviewed unfavorably, despite the presence of some of the band’s most famous compositions, including the title track, “Get Back” and “The Long and Winding Road”. The album includes two of my personal favorites, “Across the Universe” and “Two of Us”.
Sebastian Stan and Lily James will star as Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson in a new Hulu limited series. Their transformation into the iconic duo is astonishing, and they look like they’re having a blast. Pam & Tommy will also star Seth Rogen, Nick Offerman and Taylor Schilling.
Human pile of garbage Elon Musk is hosting SNL tonight. Please, for the sake of all that is good in the world, do not watch, not even to see what a train wreck it will be.
On a new episode of their podcast Office Ladies, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey have revealed that Jan’s sperm donor was none other than tennis player Andy Roddick. Apparently, Roddick is good friends with Rainn Wilson, and would often visit the set. A scene was filmed for season four finale “Goodbye Toby” in which Jan tells Michael about Roddick being her baby daddy, but it was cut from the episode.
Infertility sucks. Obviously, the emotions are infinitely more nuanced than that, but that’s the gist of it. Many people struggle with infertility; an estimated 10-15% of married couples are infertile. Infertility testing is invasive, and treatments are expensive. The stress of the process is intense; relationships have been known to crumble under the weight of it. In a lot of cases, the desperately wanted child never arrives.
My personal journey began in 2005, when I finally married for the first time at the age of “well into my thirties”. Knowing we had already gotten a late start, but wanting to enjoy being together without any pressure, we didn’t really try but we didn’t really not try (as my hubby used to tell people, “We’re having fun practicing”). Our situation was exacerbated by my father-in-law’s illness and death, about a year and a half into our marriage. My husband’s grief was profound, and baby-making fell to the back burner. Once we got back to trying, it quickly became apparent that it probably wasn’t going to happen. Then, at the age of forty, I started having increasingly painful and more frequent periods. My primary care provider ordered an ultrasound. The diagnosis? Fibroids AND endometriosis.
I’d always wanted kids. There was no question in my mind. I hadn’t imagined the possibility that I wouldn’t be able to have them. And even though I was forty and still not pregnant, I was somehow thoroughly unprepared for the news that I needed to have a hysterectomy. The specialist I’d gone to see after my ultrasound, who would eventually perform the surgery, didn’t know my situation, and when I burst into tears, she asked me, “Why are you crying?” I felt a complicated myriad of emotions that I couldn’t really explain. I thought I’d already made my peace with it, but the news was like a door slamming in my face. My choices had been taken away from me. I had become a member of a club to which I hadn’t requested enrollment.
In the months and years following my surgery, I continued to feel this complex stew of emotions; a pinch of anger, a dash of guilt, heaps and heaps of heartache. The anguish seemed bottomless, and triggers were often unexpected. I was at the salon one day, and the woman in the chair next to me was talking about her grandkids and I welled up; I had spent so much time mourning the fact that I didn’t get to have kids that I had completely overlooked the fact that I wouldn’t get to have grandkids. I envied people who easily became pregnant, then felt remorseful for my envy.
Infertility stories in pop culture, especially when done well, became one of the easiest ways to trigger my grief. A couple of the entries on this list made me cry violent, irrepressible tears. But there’s also some comfort to be found in knowing that other people can identify with how you’re feeling; that’s a benefit to being a member of the club. I don’t know how many of these stories represented the real lives of their creators, but I thank them for making me feel seen.
“Symphony of Illumination” – How I Met Your Mother
From the beginning of the series, Robin is pretty adamant that she doesn’t want kids. When her period is late, she takes a pregnancy test and it’s positive (Barney would have been the dad); however, a follow-up visit to the doctor reveals that not only is she not pregnant, but she’ll never be able to get pregnant. Watching Robin run through the gamut of complicated emotions (about a year after my hysterectomy) was gut-wrenching for me; I was wholly unprepared for it, which made it even worse. Stoic-to-a-fault Robin decides not to share the news with her friends, but Ted knows something is wrong and, since Ted never does anything halfway, he attempts to cheer Robin up with a Christmas light show set to AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell”. Does it work? Results are mixed. Robin is baffled by how upset she is to lose something she thought she never wanted, but she appreciates Ted’s gesture. By the time Robin says “If you want to know the truth of it, I’m glad you guys aren’t real” to the kids she’s been narrating her story to, I’m sobbing uncontrollably. Cobie Smulders’ performance in this standout episode is exceptional, and it breaks my heart every time.
Monica and Chandler – Friends
Unlike Robin’s infertility story, which only lasted for one episode of HIMYM, Monica and Chandler’s baby journey lasted multiple seasons, culminating in the birth of their adoptive twins Erica and Jack in the series finale. It all begins in “The One Where Rachel Has a Baby”, the season eight finale; the gang are waiting at the hospital for the arrival of Emma, and Monica and Chandler decide they’re ready to start trying. Immediately. So they have sex in the janitor’s closet. And Monica’s dad accidentally walks in on them. Serious question: do things like this happen in real life, or just in sitcoms? I mean, I can’t imagine having sex in a janitor’s closet, but that doesn’t mean it never happens. I digress.
In season nine, Monica and Chandler are trying in earnest; Monica is tracking her ovulation cycle and scheduling sex, in true Monica fashion. After about a year of trying, they decide to go for fertility testing, and learn they both have fertility issues. After a brief flirtation with surrogacy (and a super awkward dinner with Chandler’s co-worker, played by John Stamos), they decide to adopt. They are chosen by Erica, a pregnant teen in Ohio played by the darling Anna Faris. Erica is sweet and lovely, but let’s just say…naïve. She’s not sure which of two men fathered her baby, but it turns out, the way she had sex with the second man, well…you can’t get pregnant doing it.
Of course, this being a long-running, beloved sitcom, Erica goes into labor in the series finale, and Monica and Chandler are in for one last hilarious shocker – Erica was pregnant with twins and no one had told them.
Since the series ended with the babies coming home, we didn’t get to watch Monica and Chandler, in Rachel’s words, “attempt to handle this”. It could’ve been fun. By the way, I just figured out that the twins would be 17 and Emma would be 19, and now I feel really fucking old.
What made Monica’s story all the more poignant was that her portrayer, Courteney Cox, was struggling with infertility issues of her own before finally getting pregnant with daughter Coco while filming the final season of the show. Monica’s heartbreak comes from a visceral place, and Cox’s performance is by turns heartbreaking and hilarious. It really is a shame that she is the only one of the six primary cast members who was never nominated for an Emmy or Golden Globe for her performance; I guess she just made it look too easy.
Friends ended the year before I got married, so my own infertility journey occurred several years later. Now when I rewatch the show, this storyline obviously impacts me differently than when it first aired. I always empathized with their plight; now, I feel every ounce of their pain.
Vanessa Loring – Juno
Juno is the title character, but Vanessa (Jennifer Garner) is the character I identify with most. Her desire for a baby has consumed her, and when she meets expectant teenage mom Juno (Elliot Page), the time for her to have a child has arrived. Unfortunately, Vanessa’s husband Mark, played by Jason Bateman, is suddenly getting cold feet; he hasn’t accomplished his dream of becoming a rock star (he writes commercial jingles) and isn’t at all sure he’s ready to be a father. The Loring marriage disintegrates in front of Juno’s eyes, but Vanessa makes up her mind to raise the baby on her own. As the movie ends, Cat Power’s exquisite cover of “Sea of Love” plays, Vanessa holds her son for the first time and all seems right with the world.
Carl and Ellie – Up
Those evil bastards at Pixar sure know how to make an adult cry like a baby – Toy Story 3, Finding Nemo and Inside Out, just to name a few – but nothing prepared me for the opening sequence of Up. The wordless montage, set to Michael Giacchino’s phenomenal, Oscar-winning score, is known as “Married Life”, and it tells the love story of Carl and Ellie, who meet as children, fall in love, get married and excitedly await the arrival of their first child. But in a devastating turn of events, Ellie and Carl learn that there will be no baby. I saw Up shortly before I had my hysterectomy, and it gutted me. My heart still aches for Ellie every time I watch this gorgeous, heart-wrenching sequence.
Celia Foote – The Help
The Help is super problematic – the white savior trope is strong with this one, and even Viola Davis has said she wishes she hadn’t done the film. But Celia’s storyline is so poignant, and Jessica Chastain’s performance so moving, that I can almost forgive the film its sins. Celia is new in town, and not like the other women – she grew up dirt poor in Sugar Ditch, Mississippi, and dresses in skin-tight, revealing clothes, much to the chagrin of the Jackson society ladies she so wants to impress (it doesn’t help that her husband Johnny was the high school sweetheart of the film’s grotesquely racist antagonist, Hilly Holbrook). Celia has hired Minnie to cook and clean for her in secret so that Johnny won’t know she lacks those particular domestic skills, but she’s hiding an even bigger secret – she and Johnny got married because she was pregnant, and she lost the baby a month later. Johnny doesn’t know that she’s had three more miscarriages. When we see Celia burying her fetus in a shoebox and planting a rose bush over it – and then the other two rose bushes – it’s a stark visual reminder of Celia’s anguish.
H.I. “Hi” and Edwina (Ed) McDunnough – Raising Arizona
Hi (Nicolas Cage) is an ex-con, and Ed (Holly Hunter) is a former cop. They fall in love and get married, and though they desperately want a baby, Ed’s infertile and they can’t adopt because of Hi’s criminal record. So, they hatch a plan to kidnap one of the “Arizona quints”, the sons of furniture magnate Nathan Arizona, figuring the Arizonas will still have their hands full with four kids. Since this is a Coen brothers film, things quickly spiral out of control; Hi’s boss deduces that their baby is the missing Arizona child and attempts to blackmail him, and Hi’s friends Gale and Evelle (the brilliant John Goodman and William Forsythe) kidnap the baby themselves to keep him safe (they promptly leave him behind at the bank they’ve just robbed). In the end, Hi and Ed decide to return the baby to the Arizonas, and though Nathan discovers them in the act, he sympathizes with their situation and decides not to turn them over to the authorities.
True story: I recently watched Raising Arizona for the first time in many years (and the first time since my hysterectomy) and though I empathized deeply with Hi and Ed, I was also extremely high on cannabis tincture and let me tell you – if you haven’t watched this absurdly hilarious movie while incredibly high, I definitely recommend it.
This brings me to my last point: one of the benefits of not having children is that you can spend a Saturday high while watching Coen brothers movies. Silver linings, people. Silver linings.
Actually, one more thing: if you know someone who doesn’t have kids, please don’t ask them when they’re going to have them. Maybe they don’t plan to, or they haven’t gotten around to it yet, but maybe they aren’t able to. Maybe they’ve tried and tried, and failed to get pregnant. Perhaps they’ve had a miscarriage, or two, or more. No matter how you slice it, it can be a difficult – or even painful – question to answer. Trust me, I speak from experience. And if you know someone struggling with infertility and you’re not sure how to help, just be there for them. You can’t fix it, or take their pain away, but they don’t expect you to. Just listen, and hug, and ask them what they need. And if you’re experiencing infertility – I see you, I feel you and I am so very sorry.
Happy Star Wars day – May the Fourth be with all of you today!
The Mummy, starring the delightful Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz and John Hannah, opened on this day in 1999.
Oscar-winning actor, humanitarian and fashion icon Audrey Hepburn was born on this day in 1929.
Today would have been Paul Gleason’s 82nd birthday. Best known as Vice Principal Vernon in The Breakfast Club and LAPD Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson in Die Hard, Gleason made a career of playing tough guys and cops, thanks to his rugged looks and gruff demeanor. He also had a fantastic sense of humor, even reprising his role as Richard Vernon for the 2001 parody flick Not Another Teen Movie.
One of my favorite albums of the 80s, Echo & The Bunnymen’s Ocean Rain, was released on this day in 1984. Featuring the absolutely iconic “The Killing Moon”, “Seven Seas” and “Nocturnal Me” (you may recognize it from the Stranger Things season one episode “The Flea and the Acrobat”), Ocean Rain is lush and atmospheric, and used orchestral arrangements to lend a majestic drama to the proceedings. It’s an album that I still love thirty-some years later.
On this day in 1970, four students at Kent State University in Kent, Ohio, were killed (and another nine injured) by National Guardsmen who’d been called in to quell campus protests of the Vietnam War. The incident inspired Neil Young to write “Ohio”, a quintessential protest song that was recorded by CSNY (along with Stephen Stills’ anti-war song “Find the Cost of Freedom”) and rush-released by Atlantic Records. The single was receiving significant airplay within a few weeks of the shooting.
My husband and I have been thoroughly enjoying HBO’s Mare of Easttown. I see an Emmy Award in Kate Winslet’s future for her portrayal of Mare Sheehan, a police detective whose life and work are, as they say, complicated. Mare is raising her four year old grandchild after the death of her son, her ex-husband is remarrying and the unsolved case of a missing girl haunts her. Now, a teenage mom has been murdered, and Mare is forced to work with a county detective (Evan Peters) to ferret out the killer. The supporting cast is splendid: Jean Smart, Guy Pearce [swoon] and Julianne Nicholson are welcome additions to any cast. The series has already delivered a doozy of a cliffhanger in the second episode (no spoilers here), and I am hooked.
On this day in 1968, Hair opened on Broadway at the Biltmore Theatre (now the Samuel J. Friedman Theatre). Subtitled The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical, Hair was one of the first musicals to incorporate rock music and counter-culture themes – it was explicitly anti-war, and its depiction of drug use and sexuality was quite controversial (as was its racially integrated cast). Hair was nominated for the Tony for Best Musical, and though it lost to 1776, it has left a lasting legacy: a well-regarded film version, directed by Miloš Forman, as well as pop versions of some of the show’s songs (The Fifth Dimension’s “Age of Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In”, The Cowsills’ “Hair” and The Lemonheads’ “Frank Mills”, to name a few). Its influence can still be seen in more contemporary musicals like Rent, Spring Awakening and Next to Normal.
The original Hair cast included a ridiculously young Diane Keaton, far right
On this day in 1961, ABC’s Wide World of Sports debuted. Hosted by the legendary Jim McKay, Wide World of Sports was a Saturday afternoon staple for almost four decades. I was a regular viewer, primarily due to my love of figure skating and gymnastics. Even if you never watched the show, you might be familiar with its iconic opening (“The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat”):
Alfred Hitchcock died on this day in 1980 of renal failure.
On this day in 1967, Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” was released, and an instant classic was born. I defy you not to sing along:
Happy birthday to Willie Nelson, Nora Dunn, Jerry Seinfeld, Kate Mulgrew, Daniel Day-Lewis, Eve Plumb, Michelle Pfeiffer, Carnie Wilson and Uma Thurman!!
The 93rd Academy Awards were held Sunday night, and it was a relatively subdued affair, which may be appropriate given the circumstances – but it just wasn’t a whole lot of fun to watch. Like I always do, I watched the show while talking on the phone to my best friend/sister-in-law, who lives in Arizona, and we talked over a lot of it, which we don’t usually do. Everything seemed off-kilter somehow; some segments were drawn out, and others, like the In Memoriam, were too rushed (and don’t even get me started on the fact that Adam Schlesinger, a literal Oscar nominee for the That Thing You Do! theme song, WASN’T EVEN INCLUDED).
Regardless of the flaws in the telecast (and despite the record low ratings), it was a great year for movies – even if it wasn’t a great year for moviegoers.
The winners:
There was no one big winner, but Nomadland took home the most awards (three) of the night – Best Picture, Best Director for Chloe Zhao and, in one of the surprises of the evening, Best Actress for Frances McDormand. Five films took home two awards each – The Father (Best Actor – the biggest surprise of the night – and Best Adapted Screenplay), Mank (Best Cinematography and Best Production Design), Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (Best Costume Design and Best Hair & Makeup), Sound of Metal (Best Sound and Best Editing) and Soul (Best Score and Best Animated Feature). Daniel Kaluuya took home Best Supporting Actor for his turn as Fred Hampton in Judas and the Black Messiah and the delightful Yuh-Jung Youn won Best Supporting Actress for Minari. Promising Young Woman‘s writer/director Emerald Fennell won the Best Original Screenplay prize.
Now, about that Best Actor win – Anthony Hopkins, now the oldest person to win an acting Oscar, won for his performance in The Father, but he was not present to accept the award. Because he knew that Chadwick Boseman was expected to posthumously win for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (and because he’s 83 years old and we’re still in the grip of a global pandemic), Hopkins stayed home in Wales. Even producers banked on a Boseman win, saving the category for last so they could end on a heartwarming note. It was, to say the least, a letdown, but that doesn’t mean Hopkins didn’t deserve the award.
The fashion:
Some of the fashion trends of the evening – cut-outs, gold lame, giant sleeves – didn’t do much for me personally, but what do I know? I live in leggings and t-shirts.
From left, Leslie Odom Jr, Carey Mulligan, Andra Day
From left, Angela Bassett, Amanda Seyfried, Reese Witherspoon
Vanessa Kirby
Rita Moreno
Laura Dern
Zendaya
Margot Robbie
Viola Davis
Regina King
Emerald Fennell
Maria Bakalova
Marlee Matlin
Riz Ahmed and Fatima Farheen Mirza
Hands down my favorite look of the night, little Alan Kim from Minari
PB & Julie + Julie C. Trivia 